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“At the start I wasn’t cheating on her,” one explained.“But it felt like I was getting the same old thing.Worse, buying into this myth makes the wronged individuals blame themselves for their partner’s infidelity.For most people, monogamy does not necessarily provide a lifetime of sexual contentment.My in-depth interviews with 120 straight and gay undergraduate men in Britain and the United States, as well as broader research into monogamy, have shown that people are unfaithful more often than not.As we munch on heart-shaped chocolate, let’s take another look at what we’ve wrongly assumed about fidelity.
We may need to investigate other relationship models: open arrangements, or what sex columnist Dan Savage calls “monogamish” relationships, in which couples have flings, affairs or threesomes.But today, the Internet and its democratization of pornography not only make yesterday’s stigmatized bedroom activities seem mundane but also force us to ask what defines cheating. I’ve found little agreement on what counts as cheating among today’s youth. Your partner won’t stray as long as you keep your sex life exciting.“If you’re just in some chat room [masturbating], and you are watching other people you’re chatting with, that’s not really cheating, is it? If you’re in a relationship, spicing up the physical intimacy won’t prevent cheating.This is perhaps particularly true for youth who have grown up in a pornified culture; men in my study found themselves increasingly less interested in sex with their partners as months passed.Within two years, almost all of my subjects had cheated.